Me and mum were discussing this yesterday on our way to tesco in Castlebar food shopping. We have always had 'car talks'...and I think 'car talks' are the way forward in many respects. In a car there is no real exit (traveling at 100k) so things that are said, are generally absorbed, digested and discussed in full.
So of course we were talking about the events of the last month or so...declan's death, that other poor woman, nana being sick and in immense pain...and all the other little things...And mum was saying that there has to be more.
Life is too complicated, and often times, too bad, to think that after struggling through it all, that there is not some sort of reward for coming through it all intact. That was what she was saying anyway.
And I was thinking earlier today, that she is probably right. How could this be all there is. Wouldn't that just suck?
I don't know what I believe in exactly, but if I believed that at the end of my life, however long or short that is...the unanswerable question...I just went into the ground, and that was it - fin ... What really would there be to live for. At the best of times it's hardly peaches and cream, and when its bad, its ever so bad.
What exactly is the point of it all if you don't think, somewhere inside you, that there is going to be something better once you get through all this shit?
Tonight will be the third night I will have to go collect Eoghain. Im definitely earning my good karma points, ready to be cashed in. I'm following in mum's footsteps in that way.
If I turn out a sixteenth the person she is, my space in heaven will definitely be secure.