2011

I am welcoming you with open arms, I will have you know...

So I would appreciate it if your were kind to me...

If you put in the effort so that you become one of those years, I look back on in years to come and say to myself:

"Yeah...2011 was A.W.S.O.M.E"

I will be eternally grateful to you.

Also...tomorrow is the 1/1/11...which wont happen again for another thousand years...

By which time, Im sure I wont be around anymore...so I'm going to make the most of it, and do something nice.

Tonight should be fun, if for no other reason then its an excuse for me to get all dolled up.

Happy New Year Everybody...

Sweep out 2010 at 12.

Fresh. New. Start.

2010...out with the old

Even Squeek is keeping her peepers shut tight until midnight...

Most New Year's go past without me paying much attention to them. 

Last year was great. And I actually remember a lot about it. Sweeping out the house, passing Lilleah around...It was lovely :) And felt special...Like we were actively welcoming in this near year with open arms...which juggling a baby and a broom...

The few before that are a little fuzzy...A new years in the static rat that was empty...one that was packed...one I was sick for...or that mite have been a Paddy's day...

But this year...there just feels like a definate END of something...The end of college, the end of Galway, the end of a particularly tough year the whole way round. But the start of...dare I say...an adventure? That sounds so terribly *gay* but thats the truth. I am really excited about 2011...a lot more then I have about other years in the past...maybe because there is just it and 2012...and then thats it...the end of the world...

J.O.K.E

But...yes...indeed the potential for this coming year is an almost physical presence within these four walls...And while I have nearly segregated myself off from the world like Emily Dickinson...I think I have enough ideas...enough projects...enough things...to keep me going through out the year.

And fingers, toes, arms, and legs crossed...they will do just that.

Really, all I want this yeas is to be happy...

And I'm laughing now...so I'll just keep it up, right :)

Everything is going to fine...sure...my room is clean! What more could I want?? 

FIND!

(new dress...I may need to go back to Swap and buy 10 more...that is the love I have for it)

In my travels within the four walls of my 9x9 foot room, I came across my comment book from my exhibition. These are just a select few that I liked the most.

I LOVE people's handwriting...

Mum (the owl)

Jane...I know her handwriting...eventhough she didn't sign it ^_^

Then these last two images are from the book "sweet Olive & other stories" by natalia drumnadubea....I prolie have that all spelled wrong...but Im sure I will be corrected in time. Jane lent me the little handmade book a few weeks ago, and I just started reading it a few days ago...It is super cute, and Im really enjoying it.

pop

***WARNING: The following may contain images of extreme CUTENESS. Viewer discretion is advised. I will not be held responsible if your heart explodes with acute cute overload***

I couldn't have said it better myself...

We die to each other daily.
What we know of other people
Is only our memory of the moments
During which we knew them. And they have changed since then.
To pretend that they and we are the same
Is a useful and convenient social convention
Which must sometimes be broken. We must also remember
That at every meeting we are meeting a stranger.

The Cocktail Party ~ T.S. Eliot

I had this as the image on my desktop for a couple of weeks, and one morning, mum walked over to me in the kitchen and said "I tried leaving a message for you on your desktop, but it wouldn't let me"...of course I didn't have a clue what she was on about, so she dragged me back into my room, to show me ^^^ this.

I giggled, and explained that I hadn't made it, and it wasn't on my desktop to act as a secret message to her...but I don't think she was entirely convinced that the only reason I had it up was because I thought it was really funny...Then she gave a a pep talk, about how my life isn't a mess mum talk mum talk mum talk.

But

Thinking about it...I think she's prolie right. I walked out of my room yesterday evening, and when I came back in, I realized just how bad it had gotten. I think when Im going through things...I stop seeing what is around me...it all builds up to become another being...an extension of myself...a padded room. And there is something about the sort of lack of space, the near claustrophobia, that is a little bit comforting, in a totally subconscious way. And I think I have always done it, and unfortunately, I think I will always have the tendency to do it. 

But

Its only when Im on the other side of whatever it is that Im going through, that I can actually see that I have allowed myself to make yet another cocoon...and its only then, that I can begin to tackle the many layers of padding I have built up.

So

This morning, after staying up till 5 talking, mum woke me, and as soon as I threw clothes on my, I went and attacked my room. The first hour totally flew, eventhough I was knackered...but, I have a floor again. Unfortunately, I couldn't have a good go at it today, because we had visitors over. But Im going to have an early night, get into my pjs, and watch a film in bed and get up early tomorrow to get it all done. I want my room sorted before the new year. I want a fresh start. I think I really need that right now.

short one

Yes yes...we awoke this morning, to find that the snow had indeed turned to rain last night...and the lovely blanket that was insulating everything, and keeping us hostage within our own homes (in a nice way) had dissipated over night...BIG SAD FACE....Of course every is delighted...Im not tho. I LOVE the snow. Snow is...well i could just talk about it forever couldn't I???  So I wont go down that road again...but basically its gone now...and Im quite sad about that, and not so secretly wishing that it comes back bigger and better :D

Ive laughed so much in the past couple of days...it was definitely needed. I think its really important to just laugh...laugh at everything...laugh at nothing. When I get really nervous, or stressed, or worried, or upset, I have a tendency to just laugh hysterically, until I cry laughing. This is a relatively new thing...I used to just curl up in a ball and cry. Not any more. Why waste energy crying, when you could laugh about it. Laugh about the ridiculousness of a situation, or the stupidity of someone or something that is happening that you have no control over any way. Happy laughter is the best of course...it feels the nicest and healthiest...but anything is better then crying...and spoiling your eyeliner ;)

I've always been good at listening...yes...I'll just give myself a little pat on the back while I'm at it :) I think I have this invisible beacon attached to the top of my head...and it sends out these silent but potent signals to EVERYONE..."Come...Talk to me...I'm here" I seem to have inherited it from mum...people just talk to her, and always have...I don't know, if she wasn't my mother, I don't think I would find it very easy to talk to her...actually...If I was someone else...I don't know that I would find it all that easy to talk to me either...but people do...and it always surprises me when it happens. People just open up for some reason. I don't even know if there is a real reason for it...or if its a chemical thing...who knows...But I do like being talked to...even if Im just a backdrop for someones monologue...or a sound board...regurtateing what they have said back to them, in a different way, to give them clarity...Its a nice thing to be able to do. To be able to be THERE and LISTEN to someone, really HEAR what they are saying, so that they know you could say it all back to them, word for word. I like being able to do that. I think its really the one thing that I can say that Im good at. And that enough for me.

Post Christmas

Yesterday was interesting...This year everything was slightly knocked out of whack...firstly because mum was working Christmas Eve...which meant that we didn't go to Midnight mass for the first time...ever...I think. And as much as I would rather not have to go to mass, in general...midnight mass is lovely. Its candle lit and the music and atmosphere really get you in the 'Christmas mood'...And it reminds us of Christmasses in the past...and its just nice. But we didn't go, because it wouldn't be the same without mum there. Also, we didn't have the usual of Bridie and her family popping over...they ALWAYS come over Christmas Eve, just after we've forgotten that they are coming, they arrive. So that didn't happen this year, because they had no water in the house and had to get it sorted before Christmas day because they were having I think it was 15 or 18 for Christmas dinner...0.0

So no visitors...and then yesterday morning, WE didn't have any water, which meant that we couldn't have showers...which is a disaster, to say the least...Im not even going to write how many DAYS it has been since I had a shower...because it is far too depressing...Any way...got up, and made myself as  clean as possible for mass...mum got home from work, literally got changed, and we all piled into the car and headed for town. The church was freezing, but there was a big enough crowd. Grace's dad was sat behind us, and I shook his hand and wished him a Happy Christmas...there were a few people I recognized...a lot of people have grown up a lot since I last say them...which makes me feel old, and out of the loop...like I really don't live here at all...no harm, right?

The priest, should have gotten someone to proofread EVERYTHING he was going to say, or at least coached him on the proper places to pause for dramatic effect, or to take a breath, because me and the boy were in stitches...the things he was saying...poor man...it could not have sounded more wrong...0.0

When we got home, mum got the sprouts ready and did the turkey, sort of and then I chased her to bed, because she looked like a ghost, she was so tired...And I got everything else, bar the spuds, on the go...My Artichoke heart and white nut Nutloaf...the ham, the roast veg...salad...etc etc...The nut loaf too way longer then the 20mins it says in the recipe to prepare...where they got that time allocation from, I will never know...Mite have been partly because I didn't want to dirty to food processor, so I just pestle and mortar the shit out of the nuts...and this year I added mushrooms, and 4 cloves of garlic, instead of messing around with onions...I also put in linseed and made my own breadcrumbs for it...

Last year, mum made it all up the night before, because she was working Christmas day, I think...So I did all the food for the boys, and totally forgot to cook my nut loaf in time to eat it with everyone else...so this year, I just did everything...While simultaneously chasing the men out of the kitchen because they were doing my head in. Men People should not come near me when I am cooking. Just. In general. Especially when they are either asking how long something will be...or telling me that I am doing something wrong...

IF YOU WANT FOOD, GET OUT.

please

He got the job of setting the table. So once that was done, he listened to music in the kitchen for awhile, and we had crackers...And I took pictures of the tree ^_^

Everything surprisingly went very well. Nothing got burned, everything got cooked and to the table at the same time...everything was tasty (eventhough Im a pescitarian and couldn't possibly be able to cook an awesome MEAT dinner) Two years in a row...empty plates...I think the results speak for themselves ^_^

So yesterday was good...we didn't sit down for dinner till about half 5/6 o'clock...the men were starving and I was tired. Then after that, we all crashed pretty much immediately afterward. We had open presents after mass, so that was all out of the way. Watched the end of happy feet...0.0...the end of Corrie...god forbid dad missed that, now that the tv is up and running again, thankfully...and got most of Eastenders...Stacy is gone :( bummer. I liked her.

Then Eoghain reminded us of the time, and that we really should head over to Bridie's...unless we wanted to look "odd"...heaven forbid. So shlaped a bit of paint of...and went over there...thankfuly everyone was well on their way, which meant that I got off with drinking coke...my head is still splitting from going out in town the other night...cant understand why. Got some good out craic out of Patrick...he is hilarious. Met my cousin's daughter for the first time...she is SO big...not a baby anymore at all !!! And very cute :) Found out I was related to 2 people, very distantly, that NO ONE wants to be related to...but also found out that we are in some way related to Jane's husband...which means that Jane's kids are actually very very very distant cousins of mine...or something, which was cool :) Basically I am related to EVERYONE in this general area. So there really is no hope for me or Eoghain. NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS TOWN...

Annette was the drunkest I've ever seen her...she was trying to get me to irish dance 0.0 no thanks...but, despite all of this...me, boy, oisine, pat and claire (new cousin) were the last ones standing...which just goes to show, that a lot can happen in a year.

Now. The tea has been made. And Im still in my pjs. Don't really see the point in dirtying more clothes.

ALL I WANT IS A SHOWER :(

The only thing that I missed yesterday, was Alex, Grace and Liudas. I've always seen the 3 of them Christmas day at some point, to exchange presents. So that was a bit weird. But its ok. Everything is ok.

Fa la la la la...la la...la...LA

Oh yes...it is that time of year again...Hard to believe it...but it has once again creeped back around...to remind us how short years really are...and how fast they pass...This time last year, I was up to my eyes in college work, thesis work...and general college stress...the only thing stressing me at this very moment in time, is the KILLER headache I have received as a result of last night's escapade in to town...and the fact that I have to vacate a very cute kitty from my bed soonish if I have any hope of getting to sleep tonight...

So yes...things change...things change a lot in a year...Things change a lot, in a very short amount of time..In our usual spirit of things, me, the boy, alex and kiaya went up to Galway christmas shopping the day before yesterday. We usually don't have to make a special trip...mum and the boy usually just come to Galway, where I am usually already at, and we do that family thing then...but yea...things change. 

So, because Eoghain is a bit of a girl when it comes to getting ready, we left at 10, instead of our intended 9...and it took us about 2 and a half hours to get up. There was no traffic...it was just steady and constantly moving, which was pretty good. First stop after parking, was charcoal grill...for to ease Eoghain and Alex's obsession. Then me and the boy went off, and Alex and Kiaya went their separate ways...we went to Born first, because I am in serious need of new clothes...NOTHING did I find in there....lord no.

So we went wandering around from shop to shop for awhile...looking for boots, clothes, music, presents, perfume, presents for each other, food etc...Galway was ever so slightly disappointing...Born, Pennys and New Look left a lot to be desired...as in...I didn't find anything in any of them...and that usually doesn't happen...

Then eventually I remembered Swamp and headed there, and found 3 dresses that are **lovely**...Then Ki and Alex rang and said that they were finished in town, so we met up with them and gave them their bags for the night, that were still in the boy's car, because they were staying up, to go out on the town...We headed home shortly after, cuz it was getting late, and we wanted to be home for something, that escapes me now...the moon on the way home was HUGE...i tried taking pictures, but none of them came out...it was massive and yellow...and beautiful...

I think Im the only person in the country NOT sick of the snow yet. It is just so pretty and everything is sparkling and making me smile...and its all...oh...so lovely <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Much to my dismay, I went into town last night. I don't know why. I think, I knew that it was going to happen anyway...it always does, I just have to stop fighting against it. And I think that I have changed enough now, looks wise, that hopefully no one will know who I am...fingers crossed. Dad drove me, boy and ki into town, me and ki went to Al's while the boy went off somewhere else...After one very weak rum and coke (which actually tasted quite strong) we all slide walked up town to the electric mouse...that walk is so familiar...and the memories that flood back...how i managed to keep walking, and not just pelting it all the way back to Ballure is beyond me...I was ok tho...for the most part. Luckily the average age in there was 15...so I knew VERY few people. And there was a scattering of people I went to school with, most of which I know and sort of like, so it was ok...and any one i didn't like, or want to see...there were so few people there, that I managed to keep away from them :) Then I met Claire...a distant cousin...her dad and mine are first cousins...so she and her mother are over for Christmas. She was really nice and we were talking and boogieing for awhile, and talking about how it was a creche, the age of the kids...etc etc etc...Then Kiaya got 140 quid stolen...and that was the craic fucked then... :(

We eventually left the mouse and walked back to alex's...we lost Kiaya along the way, she ended up going to a party that all the lads were going to...Me and al walked down to hers, had a bite to eat and then went to bed, cold and tired. I gave her her present...a blank book with this on the first page...

I think she liked it :) I hope she did. She got me a green glass ring, which hopefully wont break this time o.O a loose tea holder in the shape of a tea pot and a little knitted cat she got at her legit german market...speaking of cute cats...its that time again ^_^

Strangest way Ive ever seen her sleep...ever...

Any way...Hope who ever is reading this, has a lovely Christmas and Holiday period. I think we all deserve to have a good one :)

xxx

I am so tired.

I think I will just make some tea, forget everything else, and hop into bed.

It's Jesus' birthday after all...not anyone else's...

I dont know why Im getting as stressed as I am.

I have all day tomorrow and the next day.

And if I stop procrastinating, and get the head down, it should all be fine.

Sleep time now. Lovely, sleep

Nothing weird, wild or wonderful

Well Im just after dying my hair...not completely sure if that was such a good idea...as it started to tingle...so I washed it off immediately, as Im so worried about my head just swelling up like a balloon like you see happens in those women's magazines....0.0 But because I didn't leave the stuff on for the right amount of time, there seems to be a red tint...which Im not entirely thrilled about...but, what can you do I guess...ALSO...I think I must be pregnant, because I have been eating like a bottomless pit...and when Im not eating, I feel like Im starving...which I cant begin to understand...And the left side of my face hurts...I think there is either some sort of phantom nerve damage on the surface of my skin...or my wisdom tooth is trying to come up again, after lying dormant for about 6 years...nice timing...my head feels like its about to explode...ANYWAYS...

I think this may be one option for my Christmas day outfit. Hopefully I'll be able to pick up some more practical boots tomorrow, with real soles and heels...if such a thing exists...and not in brown, because me and brown don't really see eye to eye...

I am really happy with my arm warmers though...I've been wearing them nearly every day since I 'made' them...it was so funny, me and the boy were in Chris' house yesterday for a bit...I have never met any of Chris' clan...bar Lucia and Liam...and one of the littlest girls was just starring back and forth between me and Eoghain...back and forth... (Leeds accent) "You two look alike...and you both have the same taste in jumpers"...because a bit of the end of my arm warmer was poking out from the end of my sleeve, and Eoghain had his coat open...and they are a little bit similar...it was pretty cute tho...pandaemonium in the house...but in a nice way :)

This is Eoghain's Christmas jumper...which he has already worn the crap out of...I was fixing holes in it for a little while today, which he really appreciated...even if the colours are slightly off.....

And seeing as I was already sewing, I grabbed my other christmas jumper, because I want to make arm warmers from it...but it isn't as straight forward as the other one...so I abandoned it in favor of getting Grace's present sorted...thankfully...that is now done and dusted and under the tree...massive weight off my mind

This little fellow flew past my window, totally making my day...

I heard sound coming from the sitting room before dinner...Mum miraculously managed to sort out the tv, thankfully. Not that I ever watch it...but dad has me driven demented this week because it's really the only thing he can do during these long long evenings...So yes...the tv is back from the dead...but that didn't stop them from playing scrabble after dinner. I think they are starting to like it. Mum has always won...except last night, when dad managed to use all his letters in his first turn, which instantly got him like...50 points, or something...

Alex arrived back safe and sound, thankfully :) I can't wait to see her tomorrow. Me, Eoghain, Alex and Kiaya are going to Galway tomorrow. Eoghain is driving us all up, and Al and Ki are staying there the night...I think they are doing that 12 pubs of Christmas thing...But were all going Christmas shopping...and going on a food tour...Im sure Alex and Eoghain want to eat everything, now that they are home. And unlike me, Eoghain hasn't seen Alex since the middle of August, so he really missed her, and I know that he cant wait to see her...he loves her so much :) And it'l be really nice for us to all go to Galway, seeing as we lived there for such a long time together (me and Al) and the atmosphere in Galway around Christmas is so nice...a bit manic...but, we shall keep it chilled and cool and relaxed :) I'm really looking forward to it, it should be a really good day...a little adventure :)