Tuesday, December 28, 2010

I had this as the image on my desktop for a couple of weeks, and one morning, mum walked over to me in the kitchen and said "I tried leaving a message for you on your desktop, but it wouldn't let me"...of course I didn't have a clue what she was on about, so she dragged me back into my room, to show me ^^^ this.
I giggled, and explained that I hadn't made it, and it wasn't on my desktop to act as a secret message to her...but I don't think she was entirely convinced that the only reason I had it up was because I thought it was really funny...Then she gave a a pep talk, about how my life isn't a mess mum talk mum talk mum talk.


Thinking about it...I think she's prolie right. I walked out of my room yesterday evening, and when I came back in, I realized just how bad it had gotten. I think when Im going through things...I stop seeing what is around me...it all builds up to become another being...an extension of myself...a padded room. And there is something about the sort of lack of space, the near claustrophobia, that is a little bit comforting, in a totally subconscious way. And I think I have always done it, and unfortunately, I think I will always have the tendency to do it. 


Its only when Im on the other side of whatever it is that Im going through, that I can actually see that I have allowed myself to make yet another cocoon...and its only then, that I can begin to tackle the many layers of padding I have built up.


This morning, after staying up till 5 talking, mum woke me, and as soon as I threw clothes on my, I went and attacked my room. The first hour totally flew, eventhough I was knackered...but, I have a floor again. Unfortunately, I couldn't have a good go at it today, because we had visitors over. But Im going to have an early night, get into my pjs, and watch a film in bed and get up early tomorrow to get it all done. I want my room sorted before the new year. I want a fresh start. I think I really need that right now.

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