Saturday, November 20, 2010

heart

"every human being is a collection of selves"

this could not be more true
and i could not feel it more deeply then i do now…
i feel that within me there is such a multitude of me's that often times, i don't know, which one is talking, or in control…or making the decisions…or planning what is going to happen next.
I think that most of the time…no…actually…it is my firm belief that no matter how well you think you know someone, unless you are physically inside their head, which is impossible…you cannot possibly really know them…
everyone has the capacity to lie, to mask, to hide…to show what they want to show…depending on who they are showing it to.
are we a different version of ourselves for different people?
it that a nice way of saying that every human being is fake
or is it subjective to the relationships that we foster with these other people, how we interact with them…

i act differently when im at home…i act differently when im at home and we have company…i talk differently to my mother then my father…my brother and my best friend…

am i  the only the one that feels this way…

are we ever our true selves…

can anyone say that they are totally themselves with everyone they know…

i don't think thats actually possible.

i think humans are too complex for that…
we cultivate relationships and become a slightly different person in accordance to how that relationship affects our fundamental self..
maybe our true self grows into that relationship, eventually…when we realize that it is in fact safe…
i know it took me a really long time to be myself around keelin and elaine…there are still corners of myself that they have not yet lit up…and they will be kept in darkness until the day that they go looking for the switch…

i don't know what it is…its always been something ive thought about. who are we
who am i
how am i different depending on who i am around
mum used to say it all the time when we first started mixing with kids when we moved here…she…yeh…it was something she noticed…

i would love to be my complete self…

but i don't think ive even been myself, with myself yet…

id like to get to know her…
i hope i meet her soon.

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