Richael's Head Space

i have been taking really deep breaths today
im hopping the more oxygen in me, the less dizzy i will feel
i seriously need to start meditating or something...i really think it would be good for me.
i used to do it, years ago...don't even know where i would begin...now.

i think meditating is different then thinking...thinking is tiring, and can be so enlightening, but so destructive at the same time...no wonder so many people go around being totally ignorant...its so much easier, in ways, isn't it?

i don't know why i am wearing black today...sometimes it has to be done i think...its ok though, my tights are black and purple striped...so at least theres some colour :)

the weather is insane as usual...one minute, downpour...the next, dry and windy...very confuseing...not looking forward to going out in it and allowing it to run havoc with my hair :(



on a totally different point....
i think within us, each of us, theres is some core animal...a totem...im not making it up. theres a whole philosophy behind it. in second year, i was living with this woman for a couple of months, and she was very interested in that idea...i read books on it...you can go to people who will tell you what yours is.
Pat, janes lovely friend...she's interested in it as well...but she said that, you know...if there is a particular animal that appeals to you, or appears to you...like when you wouldn't expect it...that is prolie your power animal...she thinks hers is a pine martin...you hardly ever see them...but she sees them...a lot...and she is quite weasely, in a way...full of energy...big expressive eyes, but very quiet, and close to the earth.
i do think that jane is a dear, but a young dear...also, full of energy...but can be quite flighty...light as a feather, but very strong...

i think, i mite be two...but mostly one...but more are becoming apparent, so im sitting on it at the moment....i think that i am very cat like, in ways...i am so independent...and standoffish, and cold...if i don't like you, i wont go over to you...like a cat...but if i do, good luck getting away from me :) and i think i walk funny...vie been told that before...i walk like im in a daze. even when im walking at a pace...and my eyes...but that just mite be a coincidence.
i think there is heron in me too...they are quite like cats in that they are very independent, and territorial...they are silent, and disappear frequently. they are still...they watch was is going on and don't comment...taking it all in. but their is an inner strength to them...they look so ridiculous as well...i think i look pretty ridiculous most of the time...just odd looking...strangely put together...and when you look at a heron for long enough, they begin to look absurd...
but
i do see them all the time...in really weird places, at very odd times...times when i need to see them. when i need some comfort, or reassurance.


i think i want to look into this most. i feel theres is a connection between us and animals. its something that has always interested me...im sick of looking at people on their own....