Morning :)

mum sees something completely different then what i saw when drawing girl and bear…

she sees it as an argument about death…

 the first in the series, says she, is 'teach me gently how to breathe' followed by 'hide and seek'  'it will be ok' and 'numb'

she says that in 'teach me gently how to breath' that it is very brave, even if it is just symbolism…i mean, who stands up to a bear? especially when they are screaming in your face…you would have to be pretty brave…or fucking stupid. Mum asked me what the girl, who she recognized as me, of course, was thinking in that drawing…is she thinking…'now you just listen to me one minute…who are you yelling at…theres no call for all you screaming and shouting…why don't you take your screaming and shouting elsewhere'

and with that the bear leaves…and the girl realizes that she has pushed him away and starts to cry…because she didn't mean to push him away, and she loves him. Thats 'hide and seek'

In 'it will be ok' , they come back together again and forgive each other…and he says to her, i was shouting because i wanted you to listen. im dieting, and i want you to stay with me…and solemnly she agrees, heart broken. He bows to her, and she kneels with him

and then, in numb, he dies,and she takes his heart……

she likes 'it will be ok' best, she likes how the bear is, his posture, and the way the girl is close to him, but respectful…

she loves the chemistry i suppose you would call it, in 'teach me gently how to breathe'…she loves the bears face in that one.

she asked if the bear was a boy or girl…it just said that it was a bear.

she knew the girl was me because of the shoes…and hair…and face…and clothes…and the general me-ness of her…

she wants me to get my hair done so it looks like 'teach me gently how to breathe'

It was a nice little crit, its nice to know what mum sees in things, because she is so unaffected by all that art bullshit that i have been emersed in the last 6years…she sees things so uncomplicated….she doesn't see things as out of proportion or being drawn badly…she looks at the whole thing, and makes a story of sorts out of it…i guess.

its nice to get options or interpretations or thoughts, feelings….instead of a critical 'this is shit and these are the reasons it is'

so this morning was lovely.

i sat with each drawing on its own for a few minutes,which i don't think i have ever done…i've never had the time, or ive never made the time…i draw stuff and more stuff and more…and leave them, and forget them…they are a means to an end…they don't really mean anything…samples…workings out…practice…its so foreign to actually be developing a relationship with my drawings…as in they mean something to me…i feel something when i look at them, i get lost in them…and they are really only just doodles…its not they are technically perfect and i cant get over it…or that hours and hours of time and effort went in…because, well sure, i spend time on them, but their just sketches really, its not like im mixing up tons of paint, and creating wall murals that take days….weeks….but why would any of that matter…it doesn't matter how long you spend on something, or what materials you use…sometimes the humblest, quietest, simplest things are the best things….and if im getting something out of them…it shouldn't matter how they are made…they are making themselves at the end of the day…..they are just coming so easy…they are such a joy…and right now, i need that…i need for them to draw themselves, to restore my faith in myself, and the world around me….so anyway…i took pictures of them, and thought about what i liked about them, and why…and what i could do next…so it was a nice little meditation morning …

im after taking some pics of myself in different stances…so i can get to work on the next couple :)

and drinking redbush tea :)

simple delights :)