oh for fucks sake…
i am actually fed fucking up with everything right at this moment in time
everything is fucking me off beyond what it normally does
got a letter from the college today about graduation. 30 fucking quid to rent the poxy cap and gown for the day…ugh…excellent. I get to look like a twat for a couple of hours again…more of a twat then i usually look….
Not only that…but a survey came basically asking if ive found employment since leaving college…
Give me a fucking break
then in the section you go to after you've said…no, i haven't…i fail at life…
it asks questions like 'how were the working hours in your course' 'did you get enough feed back' 'were you happy'….
my head is pounding and im going to explode…that is how effed off i am
i cannot even, at this stage, sit down and begin to compose a letter to the head of humanities/head of the college about my time there…and this little shitty survey is asking me to do it in one fucking line…id need to write a novel…
i. am. so. angry.
why am i so angry…?
5 years…
thats how long ive been in 'art related' education…
and what the fuck do i have to show for it…two sheets of paper that mean jack shit all to me…grades that never changed…absolutely no fucking skills worth talking about…that college should be shut down…actually…no, it shouldn't …
just the textiles department.
it is a total shambles…a complete joke…a crying shame…and a waste of fucking time.
the only thing i got out of it was a small handful of really good friends…thank christ…because without them, i would have dropped out in second year.
fucking stupid fucking letter fucking me off…
i am really not looking forward to the graduation. can you tell? can you??
i shouldn't feel this way. college is supposed to be one of those life affirming experiences…your supposed to have the time of your life…try new things…mix with loads of people…have fun…enjoy yourself…
what did we do
fuck loads of work…thankless work…and got abuse…tortured mentally…
breathe
so fucking angry now…
i really am
actually rageing
BUT THERES NO ANGRY MUSIC ON MY ITUNES YET……..AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH
for fucks sake….i need to go for a walk like…right now…
wonder how long it would take for me to walk to the sea
i need the ocean right now, this minute…it really is the only thing that can snap me out of this fucking bitch of a mood im in…but fat chance me seeing it before tomorrow…
going to galway and staying with be…maybe shed like to go out to salthill for an hour…i need the air to clear my head…and push against my chest…and fill me with oxygen…and lift me…and run through my hair…and make me feel solid…and strong again…
and need the sound of the ocean to drown out all other noise…internal and external…
i need it like i need to keep breathing
i miss the ocean…
i miss her so much...
No comments:
Post a Comment